How to Change Your Parenting Style

I was always drawn to parenting books. They helped me keep sane when our first born was still a baby/toddler and I felt lost. But the type of parenting books I read changed over time. What I was yearning for in my relationship with my children changed. And that’s a good thing!

Sometimes, the books that appealed to me from the title challenged me so much when I began to read them. This is how I pushed myself to be more open to change (aka. improvement):

How to push ourselves to be open to different perspectives?

  1. CHANGE is the key word here: Change is good, change is desired, change is the reality of creation.
  2. Everything, every single second is changed by its Creator. There is constant change, constant renewal, constant improvement in creation.
  3. We are part of that creation too: with our bodies, our souls, our thoughts… we are also being changed by our Creator.
  4. Now what makes us different than the tree that is being changed by its Creator is that we are given the partial-freewill to accept change and flow with it in peace and harmony OR we can choose to resist, to close ourselves up, hence cause friction, disharmony with the nature of creation…
  5. Not every change possibility open to us is desired (I can choose to change into a materialistic, self-centered workaholic) but there is limitless change possibilities that are ‘improvement’ and are desired (I can choose to better myself, learn more, be more compassionate, be more accepting, be more fun)
  6. Disclaimer: For instance, when I first came across Naomi Aldort’s work about 4 years ago, I resisted it. I questioned it, I dismissed it, I came up with reasons why it was total nonsense and she was wrong! But somewhere inside of me, deep inside of me, I knew there was so much truth to her message. That’s why I couldn’t put it aside and get rid of it. Every miserable parenting moment I had, what I read in her book would pop up in my mind saying: “see… she has a point!” So I fought with the book; I still do… the reason is I was resisting change. The good kind of change… The good kind of change does not always come smoothly, easily. You must be thinking: well, if it is in line with our nature, and it is improvement change, it should come easily. Well, yes but not entirely… When you take into account the ego, whose sole job is to resist this good change, then no it does not come smoothly. It is a workout. Good change in the body comes as a result of lifting heavy weight and exerting serious effort, not by kicking back and sipping tea by the pool. Lo and behold. The same principle is true for our soul… the good kind of change comes by exerting effort against the ego.
  7. Finally, I realized that the parenting paradigm she is proposing couldn’t be more Islamic!